You read an advertisement in the newspaper about the ideal job. You seem to be perfect for her too. You have the qualifications required for this job. Although... experience is not enough. “But I’m qualified for this job,” you think. - "I just haven't done it before. But I'm sure I can learn."

Many of us have such thoughts in our heads. There are quite a few options for action in this case. Let's look at some of them. Candidate #1 thinks, "Well, I guess I'm still not qualified enough for this position." And he moves on to the next ad. Candidate #2 says: "Okay. I don't have the experience this ad requires. But I can just add to my resume. The last company I worked for went under. So new employers will never know if I did those things." responsibilities or not." Candidate #2 is simply adding a few lines to his resume. Candidate #3 believes: “Obviously, I don’t have the work experience that is required. But I am confident that I can easily acquire the necessary skills. The only thing I have to do is apply for this job, get a chance anyway. In the cover letter I will explain that I do not have the required skills, but I am going to do what is necessary to acquire them. I will write that I have similar skills. What will I lose if I do this?

As you probably already guessed, candidate #3 has the wisest position. Candidate #1 will likely miss out on a great opportunity. He does not have the necessary work experience or the necessary skills, however, he may have similar ones. He had to evaluate these skills and figure out how to acquire new ones. Then he could write cover letter, revealing it potential opportunities, as candidate #3 did. The worst that could happen is that his resume would go into the trash. The best thing that could happen is that the employer would see the potential in the applicant and decide that work experience is not that important. like initiative.

Who's the loser here? Of course, Candidate No. 2. Lies will always be exposed. Lying on your resume is a very bad idea. You might think that a little embellishment is not a disaster. However, for example, calling at work and warning about your absence due to poor health is not the same as believing in your non-existent capabilities. A lie is like a snowball. It's like eating chips - you can never stop at just one.

However, let's imagine that these tips went over your ears and you decided to lie. You are not lying about some special, specific job. You just didn't have the responsibilities you described. This is not important, you think. The employer, having received your resume and being sufficiently impressed, invites you to an interview, where you will have to discuss your work experience. This means continuing to lie. Now imagine that you got this job. And - you need to lie further. Not to mention, the interview will require you to competently discuss something that you may not be familiar with. And then demonstrate this competence in action. As a result, you lie to your boss, your colleagues, and possibly your clients. As was said - chips.

You can't stop with a little lie. It's worth paying attention to the most obvious reason not to lie - the possibility of getting caught. Most employers will check your references. You may be thinking that there is nothing to worry about if your old business has ceased to exist. However, this is not true. It's amazing how small the world is. This is especially noticeable in professional communities. In specialized social networks many know or have heard of each other. You will never know who your boss will talk to about you. Imagine your embarrassment when your boss calls you into his office, looks you in the eye and tells you that he knows everything. You'll probably want to fall through the ground. However, most likely, no one special will be needed. to bring you to clean water. You will do this yourself when you are unable to demonstrate the skills stated in your resume. The lie will be discovered, or the boss will think you are incompetent. Either way, you'll find yourself looking for work again.

But is dismissal the only consequence that can be expected? Let's see what else can happen. So you've lost your job. Easy to find, easy to lose. And looking for a new one. However, not everything is so simple. By lying on your resume, you may have set in motion a mechanism that will follow you for a very long time. Let's say your boss finds out that you lied and sends you packing. You're looking for a job again and updating your resume. What about the job you just lost? Should you include it in your work experience list? And what should I write as the reason for dismissal? So, you're once again faced with the question of whether or not to lie on your resume. If you don't mention your last job at all, you'll need to explain what you've been doing all this time. And this time can be quite long, depending on how quickly you were caught in a lie.

So you've decided to include your last job on your resume. You have been invited for an interview. During the interview, your potential employer asked you why you left your job. previous work. Oops. Dead end again. Tell the truth and give up hope of getting hired? Or lie again? You decide to lie. And you say that you left your job because it’s not for you. After the interview, you hope that the potential employer will not check what you say, or that the previous one will not say anything. However, when a potential employer calls based on your references, he will know the real reason for your termination. End of work. End of story.

It doesn’t matter for what reason, but each of us has told a lie at least once in our lives. The feelings after this are usually not the best - we are tormented by a feeling of guilt, and the arrow on the self-esteem scale rapidly drops. So should we lie or is it better to always tell the truth?

Why do we lie?

Everyone is telling lies. According to statistics, even a scrupulously honest person cheats on average at least 5 times a day. The reasons for lying are also different: many lie to save themselves, some lie out of laziness, and some lie for selfish purposes. But it’s easy to deceive, but sticking to a made-up story without the risk of spilling the beans is much more difficult. In addition, it often happens that in order for the truth not to be revealed, one lie has to be piled on top of another, and so on ad infinitum.

What kind of lies are there?

Any lie has its own reason, and its most harmless manifestation is a white lie. Most often, it is used to hide the truth from a loved one about a serious illness, relieve him of strong emotional experiences, or help him avoid troubles. Such lies are in most cases forgivable, and sometimes they are necessary. However, even it leaves an unpleasant aftertaste in the soul.

It is much worse when a person deceives in order to receive benefits or support in a particular action. In such a situation, they usually tell only a small part of the truth, pushing the interlocutor towards the desired answer. For example, a wife may do this so that her husband will admit that she is right in a conflict with her neighbors.

Sometimes a person deliberately exaggerates his merits or capabilities in order to appear in a favorable light in the eyes of others. For example, he may promise to help with something, without even intending to fulfill his promise. However, such a lie will sooner or later lead to the severance of even the closest friendships.

Benefit or harm?

Recently, American psychologists conducted research on how lying affects human health. As it turned out, those who are accustomed to telling lies are more likely to suffer from depression and headaches, as well as sore throats. In addition, it turned out that the most popular people in a team or family were those who knew how to lie talentedly. This fact once again proved that modern people are quite tolerant of lies.

How to lie correctly?

If you have a need to hide the truth, then first think carefully about whether it is worth doing. The end does not always justify the means. If after this you have not changed your mind, think carefully about tactics so that your lies will be believed. The most difficult thing to recognize is half-truths - when real facts are adjacent to lies. Also, never fill your story with too many details, otherwise you will be easily caught.

Should I lie?

It may seem paradoxical, but lying is much more difficult than telling the truth. After all, the ability to lie is a complex thought process. In order to hide a deception, enormous expenditures of nervous energy and mental abilities are required. It’s much easier to tell the truth, and then not feel remorse, not be afraid that the fiction will be revealed, and not keep a lot of unnecessary information in your head about what, when and to whom you lied.

Victoria Ovchinnikova

More recently, scientists from Canada have found that the ability to lie in childhood has a positive effect on a person’s success in adulthood. In childhood, many people lie; in adulthood, the percentage of people who deceive declines.

Lying is bad. This is what parents say to their children, grandmothers to their grandchildren, and all people who care about you. Childhood is a bright time for any person, and lying during this period of your life is completely unnecessary. However, every person grows up and enters adulthood, where he is faced with various situations. It is at this stage that moral problems often arise.

If a person has been taught since childhood that lying is bad, then it is quite possible that lying will not be so easy. The question arises, is it necessary to lie? Is it possible to learn to lie?

How nobly lies have evolved over the past two hundred years!
Sergey Dovlatov. Compromise.

Ability to lie

Do not be mistaken that if you are an honest and decent person, you will never lie to others. Statistics say otherwise. Anyone, even the most scrupulously honest person, lies at least 5 times a day.

• See also: My boyfriend is lying to me: what should I do?

All of the above can be attributed to lies that exist in everyday life every person.

Several forms of lies

1. Silencing the truth. Of course, it is easier not to tell the truth than to invent non-existent stories that can later turn into the present. This form of lying makes life easier for a person who does not know how to lie. In addition, you can always say that you did not say something because you were not asked.
2. “He lies and doesn’t blush.” This is how professionals in the field of lies can be characterized. Such a person knows how to confidently express his thoughts, does not blush when he tells a lie, and knows how to make people believe what he said. A liar behaves calmly, he can endlessly tell you about non-existent stories from his life.
3. Deliberate lies. Lying is common among colleagues or friends. You've probably noticed how sometimes colleagues take credit for other people's achievements, compliment ugly colleagues, and laugh at unfunny jokes. All these signs indicate that the person is lying deliberately. A person tries to maintain a friendly atmosphere in the team, tries to please the management. And you never know what other reasons there could be.

In particular, a person will rub his hands, blush, his gestures become more active, and his facial expressions become stiff. In addition, there are some standard phrases, when uttered it is immediately clear that a person is disingenuous. For example, he says that he will not talk about it, that it is stupid to discuss such issues.

The reason for all of the above is conscience for one’s own lies. Therefore, you can learn to lie only by agreeing with your conscience. Naturally, this is difficult to do quickly, but daily training and practice will help you feel more comfortable telling a lie.

• Firstly, This sight.
  Eye contact is an essential part of conversation. A person who does not know how to lie will look away and cannot look his interlocutor in the eyes.

  Learning this art is not so easy. First, try telling yourself a story with elements of deception at home in front of the mirror. Keep your gaze on the bridge of your nose. Looking down means guilt, looking up means aggression. Once you feel confident, tell the story to someone. For example, call a friend. At the same time, do not tell the true purpose of the story.



• Secondly, a deceiving person can be extradited hands and gestures.
  The fact is that when a person tells a lie, the level of adrenaline in his body increases. It is not so easy to be completely calm at this moment. This is why your gestures can give you away.

  Your facial expression should be calm, your speech should be moderate, and your hands should confirm your words. Again this is not an easy task. During a conversation, pick up a pen and hold it calmly. Watch your gestures; they should not be overly impulsive or nervous.



• Thirdly, what does yours say? body?
  An inexperienced liar usually gives himself away. In particular, the posture is closed, the person begins to make unnatural movements, including hugging himself by the shoulders or crossing his legs.

  Remember that when you lie, your body should be open and relaxed. Sit straight, you can lean forward a little, do not make any crossing movements. If your body position is correct, then on a subconscious level you will force your interlocutor to trust you.



• Fourth, first of all, you can be given away by your own words.
  Conclusion - watch your expressions. It’s bad if you’re in a hurry, barely pronounce phrases, quickly change phrases, and blush. This course of events will definitely not promote trust. Likewise, a story that is too long and detailed will raise doubts.

  4. Know that maybe people will find out that you lied, but that’s okay. To prevent detection, do not involve strangers in lies. Let the lie concern only you, and the fact that you told a lie will be known only to you. Prepare emotionally for the revelation. Think about what you will say to the reproachful looks of your colleagues and others.

  5. Don't get caught up in your lies. Lying can often be bad for no other reason than that you may end up confused. Usually what actually happens to a person is remembered better than what he lied about. In this case, the best option would be to come up with your own tactics. For example, lie less, try to remember what you said, or keep a special notebook of lies. In general, it is best to train your memory, then you are almost guaranteed not to screw up.

  Video: How to learn to lie and not blush at the same time

  But what about an honest person?

  An honest person needs to understand that everyone lies. Moreover, lying does not necessarily have bad purposes. If you are constantly afraid of lying and that you will be exposed, then this will happen. Moreover, with such thoughts you will not be able to lie convincingly.

  At the end of the article, it can be noted that modern life forces us to lie. Therefore, do not learn to lie on purpose, it will not benefit you. In order to lie calmly, so that no one suspects you, constant practice is required. Practice your skills, carefully monitor your speech and movements during this “bad deed,” analyze the words you say.

  Good luck to you in this life!!!

  An incident forced me to ask myself this question. One of my friends’ birthday was approaching. We created a group on VK with friends and started discussing the gift. Or rather, I started discussing it. And with herself. There was no response at all. It became amazing. Why is this so? Why? After all, he did a lot of good not only to me. Good man, good friend and everyone is silent. Why?

  I won’t go into details about choosing a gift. In the end they congratulated us. Everything ended well. Ask yourself: “To lie or not to lie?” It was forced by the fact that already when the gift was chosen and purchased, one of my friends wrote: “Sorry for not taking part in the discussion. There was no Internet.” And then I thought about how often we lie and why we do it.

  We cannot say: “I don’t care what you give him. I’ll throw in the money, but I don’t want to waste time on the rest.” After all, in principle, this is normal. I do this myself at times. I say that I didn’t see the message or didn’t hear the phone. Why? Why can't we say what we really feel? And what would happen if we did tell the truth?

  Here's another case. Sister's wedding. The first day we walked well. On the second day, home gatherings were planned. But I don't like these gatherings. It's boring for me to sit and “pour from empty to empty” for the hundredth time. I lied. I said that I overslept and therefore came 2 hours later.

  It turns out to be a conflict. On the one hand, people are taught from childhood that lying is bad. Lying is bad. On the other hand, it turns out that it is impossible to live without lies. Sometimes it seems to me that in life we ​​lie more often than we tell the truth. And I became interested in understanding the reasons. What? What motivates you to cheat? Why do I personally lie, at times, even to the people closest to me?

  Why do people lie? Reason one.

  Why do people lie? Reason one. The desire to avoid unpleasant, boring, uninteresting responsibilities. From early childhood, many of us are taught that we owe a lot and owe even more. There are many common parenting styles traumatizing the psyche of children. The child is forced to do what he does not want; something that is not characteristic of him or even harms him. He feels this and, in order to somehow survive, begins to lie and dodge.

  Let me give you an example from life. The girl dreamed of becoming a figure skater. She was sent to chess. The parents had many “valid” reasons to do this - the chess section was free, it was closer to travel. No transfers. In addition, the childhood psychotraumas of the parents themselves began to take their toll. The mother perceived her daughter as a rival, so she did everything possible to suppress femininity and sexuality in her. The sport - chess - was chosen by my mother and she was very proud of it all her life, despite all the resistance of her child. The girl's mother - psychological vampire "Cold Woman" - I despised men and this also affected. She wanted her daughter to prove that women were better and smarter by beating them at chess - a male sport.

  Here daddy’s “cockroaches in his head” also got involved. The girl, let's call her Anya, had neither interest nor ability for chess. It is clear that there was no talk of good results. Every tournament, every game was a real hell and test for the child. In the chess section she was considered a fool, and at school she was considered a nerd. Dad was a domestic tyrant with low self-esteem and great ambitions. He took pleasure in reproaching his daughter for her losses. This is also a type of psychological vampirism. Despite the fact that Anya studied well at school, though “for some reason” no one noticed this.

  Anya learned to lie early. Did she have another choice? Don't know. It's difficult to answer.

  She lied that she was studying chess at home. Although she rarely did this, because she was not interested. One day my father asked: “How many hours did you study today? Just don’t lie!” Anya told the truth, that not at all. She was scolded and sat down at the chessboard.

  After this, the girl concluded that

  • telling the truth is dangerous.
  • It's easier to lie than to tell the truth.
  • To avoid being scolded, it’s better to lie.
  • To avoid scandals, it’s better and easier to lie.

  And into adulthood she continued to do the same. When I got a little older, I lied that I went to training and school without absences or absenteeism. She lied that she didn’t drink or smoke. She lied about which children she was friends with and communicated with. She lied about a lot of things.

  What about the parents? This suited the parents. They had their own problems. And formally everything seemed to be fine. The daughter studied excellently (Anya was still a very smart girl). The neighbors didn't complain. She was quiet at home. And the fact that she played chess created an additional image of a “good” girl.

  Only she herself knew what was going on in Anya’s soul.

  This leads to the second reason why people lie.

  Why do people lie? Reason two.

  Why do people lie? Reason two. Reluctance to see or acknowledge the problem. Let's return to Anya's story. The parents couldn’t help but notice the girl’s resistance. Since she was afraid to say anything out loud, she sometimes pretended to be asleep for hours so as not to go to training. The parents saw this, but put pressure on the child, accusing her of being lazy, stupid, and so on. They didn't want to realize there was a problem. And this is also a form of lying. After all, if they did this, they would have to come into contact with their own pain and psychological traumas of their childhood.

  This form of lying is most often accompanied by negative attitudes:

  • It’s easier to ignore a problem than to solve it.
  • solving problems is difficult.
  • In order for a child to be of any use, he must be strictly controlled.
  • In order for a child to be of any use, he must be kept under control
  • It is she (he, they, the authorities, the government...) who are to blame for everything.
  • It’s easier (better, easier) to blame someone else than to admit to lying yourself.
  • the best defense is an attack.

  Why do people lie? Other reasons.

  Why do people lie? Reason three. Out of politeness. How many times have each of us met acquaintances whom we had not seen for 100 years and would gladly not have seen for even longer. What happens? We smile friendly and say: “Hello! I’m so glad to see you! How are you?”

  Why do people lie? Reason four. To avoid hurting another person. Please him. For example, we tell a fat woman that she has a wide bone, although in fact we understand that she just needs to eat less.

  The girl leaving the guy says: “Sorry, the reason is not you.”

  Wives fake orgasms to make their husbands feel super macho in bed.

  We say that we liked everything at the birthday party, that this blouse really suits the hostess and that they just have a golden child. And how wonderful we are that this is a very tasty salad and we don’t eat it only because we’re on a diet :-)

  Is this lie necessary? What is more in it - benefit or harm? Which is better? Sweet lies or bitter truth. And if it’s impossible to live without lying, then why do we teach children from childhood that lying is bad, if we ourselves lie 10 times a day.

  Why do people lie? Reason five. For selfish reasons. A guy lies to a girl that he loves her in order to get sex. Mom gives the teacher a bouquet of flowers and says how grateful she is to Marya Ivanovna for her work and what a beautiful manicure Marya Ivanovna has, so that her child would receive more attention in class and get higher grades. The seller tells the woman that this color suits her in order to sell the blouse.

  Why do people lie? Reason six. To appear better than you really are. We pretend that we earn more than we actually do. We tell our friends how much my husband loves us, with whom we bicker 10 times a day. How nice it was in Turkey at 5*, although we only vacationed at 3*. The time is that today we are very busy at work in order to appear more respectable. We wear shapewear to appear slimmer.

  Why do people lie? Reason seven. When someone minds their own business. That is, lying as a peaceful option for protecting one’s borders. For example, a friend asks why I’m not going to training today. And I don’t want to tell him where I’m really going, because it’s none of his business. In this case, I lie that I’m tired and want to stay at home. After which I go about my business.

  My sincere opinion is that when you ask someone, "Why don't you so-and-so?" you need to add: “If you want, you don’t have to answer.”

  Why do people lie? Reason eight. Violation of prohibitions. So as not to be scolded. For example, as a child I lied that I didn’t touch my father’s expensive books with reproductions of famous artists and my mother’s things, so as not to be scolded. I really liked and still like Dali's paintings. For me there is something familiar and interesting about them. Something that can take a long time to figure out and still not be solved. Books with reproductions of his paintings are expensive, but dad was given one of these. I was forbidden to touch her, but when my parents were not at home, I sometimes could not deny myself the pleasure of looking at “these interesting pictures.”

  About the same thing happened with my mother’s things. I wore my mother’s long skirt and twirled around the house in it. Then she carefully put it back in place. and if suddenly my mother noticed that the skirt was lying somehow wrong, then I would lie and say that I didn’t know what was wrong.

  Why do people lie? Reason nine. So as not to be persuaded. To persuade is to force. By persuading, we impose our opinion on a person, and therefore produce violence. How often has it happened in life that we are offered something completely unnecessary - some thing, to go somewhere... - and in response to the answer: “Thank you, no need,” they begin to persuade: “Well, just think about it, maybe it will work out.” . Take a better look..." And so, in order to avoid these meaningless persuasion, we lie that we are sick or don’t have time (money) or something else.

  Why do people lie? Reason ten. Seem like everyone else. Adjustment to the society in which we are currently located. It's no secret that we like people who are similar to us. People who dress the same as us, have a similar worldview, manner of speech and behavior are unconsciously liked more than others. Therefore, when I find myself in a society where my views on life are not shared, I keep silent about some things. For example, I say that I like fish more than meat or that I’m already full when they insist on trying something meaty. Or at the moment when someone begins to blame the government for their troubles and failures, I remain silent or change the conversation to another topic.

  It is clear that this is not the entire list of reasons why people lie. There are many more. It’s just that recently it became a discovery for me, the realization of how often I myself lie. And so, by the way. This doesn't even count as a lie. Then another question arose in my head: “How much of what I hear is true?” and does it exist at all? How often do we see and communicate with real, living, real people, and not with the lies they tell about themselves? And why does this happen?

  My opinion is that one of the reasons is the inability to accept the freedom of choice of another person. Accept people as they are. If a person does or doesn’t do something, then in any case he has his own significant internal reasons justifying his choice.

  If you have any thoughts or considerations on this matter, I will be glad to read them in the comments to this article.

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  How to motivate a child not to lie? Friedman's experiment.

  Why shouldn't you put pressure on or threaten your child? How to motivate a child to act in a certain way without resorting to “bribery” or threats? The child has personal responsibility for the choice made or the action committed. Excerpt from the audiobook “Psychology of Influence” by Robert Cialdini

  Useful materials:

  3 ways to ruin your children's lives.

  Psychological vampire "Cold woman".

  When using the material, an indexed link to the site is required.

  11.07.2017 11:48

  Some people are guilty of telling lies. People often lie to hide an unpleasant truth, to dodge an answer, to get out of an unpleasant situation. It may also be that a person deceives another because he does not want the interlocutor to be nervous and worried. And someone lies because he is simply a coward - he is afraid to tell the truth, he is afraid to reveal his true face, he is afraid of condemnation and responsibility for his actions.

  But in any case, a lie is a lie. And a person who often deceives others gets used to it. Having lied once, twice, three times, a person accepts lying as a habit and begins to use it as a simple and understandable way to solve a problem. And more often - not to solve it, but to run away from it.

  Should you lie to other people? It's up to you to decide. But to make it easier for you to make a decision, we will list a few points.

  What are the consequences of the habit of lying?

  . You're losing trust

  A person who lies often and a lot will inevitably “get caught” in the end. And the more often this happens, the faster he loses the trust of loved ones. And sometimes, to lose trust, a single deception is enough, and not always a big one. And restoring trust is much more difficult than destroying it.

  Draw conclusions.

  . You become irresponsible

  Lying is an easy way out of the situation. If you did something bad, it is much easier to say that you didn’t do it - than to admit what you did and deal with the consequences.

  Thus, if you lie often, then you often evade responsibility. And this will gradually lead to the fact that in a situation where you should behave like a mature and independent person, you will be tempted to take the easy way out - to lie and thereby avoid responsibility.

  Do you want to become irresponsible?

  . If you get into the habit of lying, you will inevitably find yourself in awkward situations.

  As they say, a liar must have a good memory. After all, a lie is not just a word “yes” or “no”, more often it is a whole story.

  Try an experiment with yourself. Tell a story from your life that happened to you a year ago. And then tell it out loud again, say, a week later. Does the story look the same? Approximately yes - perhaps only the figures of speech differ, but not the essence itself. Because it’s easy to tell everything as it happened.

  Now try to make up a story about yourself and tell it. Will you be able to tell everything exactly the same in two weeks? In a month? Hardly.

  And even if the lie does not include a story, but just a phrase, then sooner or later it will be forgotten. Let's say you told your husband that you were visiting a friend, when in fact you were going out for drinks with an old friend. Let's say the husband didn't ask for details. But in a month you can easily blurt out that you haven’t seen your friend for six months and miss her. Why will you soon forget your last meeting? Because she wasn't there.

  A liar simply cannot remember everything - facts, dates, events that actually did not happen. The truth is always remembered much easier than fictional events. And lies will always be forgotten from time to time, strange details and inconsistencies will emerge. This means that you will regularly find yourself in awkward situations when communicating with other people. Think about this when you consider the question, “Should I lie?”

  What should you do if for some reason you don’t want to tell the truth, but you also don’t want to lie? Indeed, sometimes people ask questions that are unpleasant to answer, there is no need and desire. We don't have to open our souls to everyone who wants to, do we?

  Instead of lying, you can:

  . Keep silent

  In the story, do not touch on any topic, avoid answering, move the conversation to another topic, say openly - “I don’t want to talk about this.” There are many options.

  . Not telling the whole truth

  In any story, you can omit certain details - those that you don’t want to talk about out loud. And there is nothing like that.

  . Select expressions

  It happens that the truth sounds very unpleasant and even rude. But, for example, instead of saying, “I’m annoyed that you call me every day,” you could say, “I can’t talk on the phone every day.”

  What have you decided for yourself? Is it worth lying to people?

  Psychologist Anastasia Cherkasova,